This morning, I woke up feeling anxious, fearful and ashamed. My human self, my scared little girl, was activated and toxic thoughts and familiar feelings from my past were dominating my experience of a quiet morning. Sadly, I arose thinking about what had triggered these unwanted emotions. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling this sudden anxiety about my life and my future.
After lying in bed for another restless 30 minutes, I decided to get up and make myself something soothing to help me shift out of my mood. French toast and a cup of coffee — one of my favorite breakfast treats — seemed like a good choice to calm my aching heart, even if it was instant gratification. As I stood over the soaking wheat bread, I was filled with thoughts and feelings about the unexpected death of pop icon Michael Jackson and the potential ramifications on my own life. I realized that I was triggered by someone’s response to the trailer of my movie where a voice-over reads the newspaper headline “Pop star Michael Jackson admitted sharing a bed with a teenage boy.” I felt the fear that others would now come and attack me for speaking and sharing the truth of this past headline. What was happening inside of me was an activation of an old wound, a time when I had spoken my truth and gotten punished for it. I could feel the terror racing through my veins and the trembling of my hands as I tried to explain my words to my parents. I could hear the protest from my own young voice, “I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry, I won’t say it again”. The oddly familiar sensations brought up a flood of memories that both saddened me and reminded me of why I am here and using my voice today and why my life’s work has been to support others in examining and healing their shadows. These feelings reminded me of why I wrote The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and train coaches to deliver transformative processes. The remembrance of my past shed light once again on why I had the intense need and desire to make a film about the human shadow and risk it all to have everyone I could reach, see, hear, and understand the potential devastation of their unhealed and unexamined shadows.
In a few moments, the weakening feelings of my past were transformed into powerful fuel for the present. I literally went from wanting to cry to feeling strong and inspired. In that new light, I had to question my fears. Was I really going to shrink in the face of criticism because someone else’s shame would never allow them to expose the pain and ugliness of the human shadow? Could I? Should I? I had to keep my mouth shut so many times when I was a teenager but now I had a choice. What would I tell others to do? I would tell them to stand up tall, speak their truth and be compassionate to themselves in the face of criticism. I would tell them that exposing the shadow is not a mean or heartless thing to do but rather the exact opposite – it is a courageous act as long as it is done with love and compassion for those who have been taken over by their shadows.
So, in that spirit, I am going to share my thoughts about Michael Jackson and his shadow, not to exploit him out of malice but to honor his entire legacy which clearly shows us that even a soul who has chosen to come into our world and shine the brightest light can be plagued by the darkness of his own unexamined shadow. In every generation, we have the public scapegoat that everyone loves and praises and then turns on when the shadow raises its ugly little head. Michael might have been here to help us all see what goes wrong when we don’t have a strong support system or when we have too much fame and power to call forth honesty in others. Anyone with great stardom will tell you that they attract those who will kiss their ass and do whatever just to make them happy. Those with huge amounts of money, fame, power and gifts are often enabled and followed by what I describe in Why Good People Do Bad Things as the Entitled Supporters. These megastars have the same pain as you and I. In fact, for many of them, the pain is worse because they carry the guilt of being the chosen star, the light who reflects back to all others their greatness and their limitations. They feel guilty and the guilty seek punishment. What better punishment than to have everything in the outer world and emptiness in the inner world? What better punishment than to allow their human addictions to dictate their well-being and keep them immersed in the never-ending misery of an unaddressed addiction?
I am sharing this not to stand in judgment of Michael Jackson but because I believe that the soul of Michael Jackson would rejoice if his death could bring enlightenment to one more person or help others crawl out of the dungeons of their own inner hell and into the glorious moment of divine recognition.
In The Shadow Effect movie, spiritual luminary Marianne Williamson challenges us, “Don’t be the captain that just goes downstairs and goes to sleep.” We must wake up. We must admit to the truth of our own humanity as well as our own divinity. We must stop burying our heads about our personal problems and our world problems. We must explore our righteousness that tells us to keep our mouths shut – “Don’t call someone out, that isn’t nice, let the dead rest in peace.” We must expose the parts of ourselves that want to stay silent. We must step out of the devastation of denial that would have us go back to sleep after losing a legend and instead we must examine how we could have saved him, how we can save the lives of others and how we can help the whole of humanity by waking up.
I don’t believe the timing of Michael Jackson’s death and the release of the first film describing the birth of the shadow, the mechanisms that keep it in place, the human struggle with the shadow and finally the integration of the shadow, is an accident. I believe that the timing is perfect. Maybe the death of one of the most beloved artists in the history of the world will have us look a little closer, examine more deeply and wake us up out of our own psychological laziness. Although my human self wishes I didn’t use Michael Jackson as an example of a shadow gone amok, my Divine self is applauding us both. Why would it be applauding us both? Because it takes a brave soul to act out the shadow for all of us to learn from.
So please, let’s use Michael Jackson’s death not as a time to project your shame on me or others who want to help the awakened to understand the complexities of the human experience but instead let’s use Michael’s untimely death as an opportunity to stand together and for greater awareness, to expose the devastating effects of the shadow, to wake others up and see how we can make it mandatory for everyone — our children, our teachers, our health care providers, our law enforcement officers, our prisoners, our politicians, our babysitters, our mothers, our fathers and our friends — to learn about their shadows. Let’s make known to every man, woman and child today that we have a secret part of us that we try desperately to hide, repress and lie about that needs the light of our awareness to heal. Let’s help those with great talent and fame and those with little visible gifts know that it is okay to have a shadow, it’s human to have a shadow, and that in fact it is our spiritual promise to have a shadow.
In honor of the genius and talented Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, I once again commit to doing whatever is humanly possible to support others in uncovering, owning and reclaiming the power of their shadows.
This is a powerful newsletter. I personally believe that a lot can be learnt from Micheal Jackson and what he did and the pain that he suffered. Here is a man who decided to change the colour of his skin becuase he felt that it would allow him to be accepted better by people and to be more acceptable to himself.
Here is a man who did all in his power to run away from his shadow and it ended up destroying him. I feel that many fear to actually talk openly about what Micheal Jackson’s shadow’s really were. That was in a way the spark of his genius. He did everything in his power to try and outrun his shadow. However you cannot outrun yourself.
I also feel that the timing is perfect. After all what better time for us to comtemplate our shadows what right now with the death of the King of Pop. Embracing both sides of ourselves is a literating experience however it will only happen when we are brave enough to venture into the dark and expose and shadow for what it really is. A part of us which bears gifts.
As I was reading this blog about the feelings you were overcome by after the untimely death of the icon and the relation to the Shadow Effect, I was reminded how fragile we all are and how I have been in that place so many times since the launch of this movie, and the fear of being faced with those situations at the screenings:
1-The Catholics-What are they going to say?
2-Now Michael Jackson- How could she?
3-Mel Gibson-How judgmental…etc. Why do you guys have to judge?
Nevertheless, in reading and “feeling” your words, I am once again struck by the courage that is at the core of this work. Courage you have shown time and time again in spite of being overpowered by inmense fear, only to remind us that once we are willing to face it head on and move through it, we are indeed inspiring others to do the same!
You have said it many times : Shadow work is the work of the heart warrior- and it is with this blog that I finally “get” the apparent paradox of those two words- heart and warrior!
Thank you for leading the way and standing for what your heart tells you and for your commitment to doing whatever it takes to uncover, own and reclaim this collective shadow….I love you and am honored to be a part of this.
[...] in the day I read a post from film maker Deb Ford that contained an unusual amount of transparency. I was grateful for it. I [...]
I really appreciate your work, but I have to say that TO ME it is self-serving for you to focus so much on the dark side of Michael Jackson.
Yes, there’s a lesson; but not to equally celebrate his Light, his creativity, his love for humanity, the breakthroughs in culture and in support of race and bridges (some of the first ever) that encircled the globe with a sense of unity, is to focus on the part of him that serves you.
In one sense, that’s up to you to focus on what you want and whatever serves you, but given the number of people who have trouble even seeing him as a human being because of his transgressions, his dark side, it seems to me to be a distorted view.
Just my 2 cents.
Thank you Debbie, Wow! Right after Michael died, I wrote a piece
that talked about the shadow. Ofcourse, I spoke of his enormous light,
but I also spoke of the gift of the shadow and how much we could learn!
I, too, went through days of feeling fear, like, “I can’t believe I said that!”
I was thinking of you during this time and I didn’t know what you had
written! Thank you for your courage to bring this to “light.” I truly
believe this is what is happening. This “awareness” is what brings
this to light. I feel an enormous amount of love and pain for what Michael
must have been through. I know it is a gift for us to help the children.
How better help the children by breaking through our own stuff!
Hey Thulane, It’s my understanding that Michael Jackson’s skin was bleached to match the color of his skin due to his skin disease…that it had nothing to do with wanting to be another race. I could be wrong but that’s his “story” at least. That all said, I agree, very powerful newsletter and perfect timing.
Joneland,
My perspective suggests that your interest in celebrating Michael Jackson’s life and “positive” things like bringing the world together, love for humanity and culture is exactly what you accuse Debbie of, it’s “self serving”. For whatever reason, you see it fit to celebrate that side of Michael Jackson and my friend….in my opinion it’s absolutely ok to be “self serving” and to celebrate if you wish as I have and still will.
Debbie, thank you for making this post and drawing the parallels. I saw your movie last night at a Law of Attraction meetup group and I am excited for the work that will be done. I’ve used your books in the past and had AMAZING life shifts but the interactive movie takes things to a whole new level. Your coming in to my consciousness again right now is exactly what’s needed for me to make some new shifts in my life and with my daily work experience. Thank you! Oh and thanks for being so sexy! ;o)
Joshua
Very well written about shadow, which more applies for us, for media for the world and less for MJ. I would also like that we meditate on the words of Michael friend- great Nelson Madela , who said:” We are not afraid of our darkness, but we are afraid of our Light inside us, we keep asking ourselves who are we, that we shine so much?” And I sincerely beleive and know that Michael was and is not afraid of his inner Light and we did not understood MJ, becouse he was so different from our own comprehention of what is normal and what is odd.
Michael is and was unique, in our world he was disdained and loved, slandered and praised, humilated and glofiried, which is typical for all very pure and great Soul’s which visited our earth. In his of-stage life he was very shy, a great humanitarian, softly spoken, very kind person, on the stage he transformed to one with the One, he was a pure Cousciuosness of Love/ Energy.
Michael Jakson with his divine voice is, was like an ancient divine singer Orpheus ( Plato times), who was able to cast formless matter into form, Michael was also able to transform invisible Cousciuosness of Love to visible Energy of Love and oness. MJ is, was like a Cry of light an Egypt mitologyof a singing Sun which created the world with the Though of the heart and Sound of the tounge.
Unfortunately for many reasons the dark auter evil forces- shadows wanted badly to destroy MJ and they ironicaly used as a tool a child accuser ( twice) to damage Michael in his most vulnerable part, that is his genuine universal love for childhood and children. Does this really not tell us anything?
Consequently Michael was badly tortured by mass media ..ecc , his heart was bleading heavily and his inner shadow prevailed and persuaded him to starting taking pain killers or better world mind control pills and from then on everything went downwards.
Towards the end, he tried very hard to raise again and he had all the chances to succeded, but God decided different , to us a great lost, to Spiritual world a great gain. His heart stopped and he suddenly left us and his sudden death shoked the whole world And this will help for world to heal better and will help the diseased collective ammnesia of humanity to get cured and hopely humanity will wake up and realise who we really are and from where we came and were we are going and what we are doing to thouse who already knew who they are.
Michale Jakson, eternal thanks from all mine heart for all your unconditional Love and Light you gave us. Hope to meet you again- one day in some other place or time. And thank you, becouse your imprint of Love in our hearts will remain for always, regardless where you- we are.
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